


A Doe and a Stag

by OxfordCommasRequired



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, M/M, Marauders' Era, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, only really Wolfstar if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-03
Updated: 2017-10-03
Packaged: 2019-01-08 16:59:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12258408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OxfordCommasRequired/pseuds/OxfordCommasRequired
Summary: It's not like I was avoiding James, particularly. There wasn't any reason to. Sure, last night had been kind of heavy talk, but we'd worked everything out... Mostly.(In which Lily Evans is not sure she loves James Potter, until she is.)





	A Doe and a Stag

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I've been writing Marauder era HP fanfic for probably more than a decade now, but this is the only one you will ever get me to admit to posting. (Seriously, there are some humiliating things in the depths of the internet, and some of them are mine.) It was all written in one sitting, then semi-thoroughly edited, but not beta'ed. It's no literary artwork, but it's perfect if you want fluff so strong you feel the sugar on your teeth. Enjoy!

As soon as I heard water splash into the tub, beginning its sloshy filling of the ceramic, I stopped tiptoeing around my room and sped through our Common Room with steps that were admittedly still tiptoe-esque. The portrait creaked as I pushed it open. I flinched. I leapt through and shut it firmly behind me before setting a brisk pace towards the Common Room I used to inhabit.

Guilt washed over me like the strong current of the Black Lake. I bit the inside of my cheek and glanced back down the corridor to where the secret entrance to the Heads' Room hung. I shot a mental apology to the boy I was abandoning before continuing on my quest.

It's not like I was _avoiding_ James, particularly. There wasn't any reason to. Sure, last night had been kind of heavy talk, but we'd worked everything out... Mostly.

Hence my sort-of avoidance as I sought advice from the best source I had. I gave the Fat Lady a cheerful smile and the password. She swung open with a gentle hand waving me through.

With a deep breath, I tried to look like a girl on a mission as I trekked through the Common Room, and this time I totally admit to avoiding the rowdy trio of boys playing Exploding Snap in the corner. I half-ran up the steps to the girls' dorms, grateful for the twisting staircase that hid me from their view before they could spot me.

I snuck into the seventh years' room with as much dignity as a girl who has already done quite a bit of avoiding for one morning could. Alice and Hestia both looked up as I shut the door behind me, finally safe. I smiled weakly at them.

“Oh dear, what is it now?” Mary teased from the corner, flipping her hair into a ponytail.

Alice rolled her eyes but quirked an eyebrow at me, evidently wondering the same thing.

Words fumbled around my mouth for a minute as I tried to find a subtle way to lead into the conversation that I needed to have. None of them worked. So instead I burst out, “James told me he loves me.”

Alice gasped, Hestia cooed, and Mary grinned. Near simultaneously, they all placed their hands dramatically over their hearts, to which I grabbed the nearest soft thing – Emmeline's stuffed bear – and threw it at Alice's head. She ducked, giggling. The bear hit the door to the bathroom, creaking it half-closed. Hestia tossed the projectile back onto Emmeline's bed.

“Why, my most confusing Lily, is James telling you he loves you a problem?” Hestia asked lightly.

“Or, in fact, surprising at all,” Mary added with snark in her tone.

I frowned. It had certainly surprised me.

My hands fluttered uselessly, more inadequate words tumbling through my head. Finally, I whimpered and flopped facedown onto Alice's bed.

Alice laughed, but came and sat next to me. Her hand patted my back gently. “Lil, what's the problem?”

I took one last moment to wallow in my pity party before I sat up and faced the world again. I sighed. “I dunno – I just – I was really calm about it last night – when he said it – and we had this long, deep talk about everything then and – don't get me wrong, it was great – but last night when I was trying to sleep all I could think was how completely crushed he looked when I didn't say it back.”

“You didn't say it back?!” their voices shrieked, eyes all locking on me. I jumped at the change in volume.

I stared at my hands in my lap, cheeks flaming. “Not exactly,” I confirmed in a small voice.

Mary groaned and turned away. Hestia shook her head, smiling. Alice just stared at me.

“You didn't say it back?” she repeated, her voice rising at least an octave.

I sighed and shook my head.

She put a delicate hand to her forehead, pushing her short dark hair back with her fingers. “Oh, Lily Evans, what am I going to _do_ with you?” This was apparently rhetorical, because she immediately continued with, “What _did_ you say?”

I imagined the gaping face I'd made the night before at his words and tried not to cringe. Merlin, was I a shit girlfriend or what?

“I sort of – well, not sort of. I definitely said that I thought I might love him, I just had never been in love so I wasn't really sure and I wanted to be sure before I said the words and he'd kind of had a jumpstart on me and – and yeah, it was just as awful the first time, too,” I cut myself off as Hestia and Mary giggled in the background while Alice just tried to hold her face impassive.

“You're not sure if you love him?” Her voice squeaked. “Honey, what are you looking for? A neon sign with a big heart pointing at James Potter? A band that plays Nat King Cole while circling him?”

“I don't know,” I confessed. My heart was awfully reactive to James (my whole _being_ was, really), but I just wasn't sure if it was... love. What the hell did love feel like, anyway? I fiddled with my fingers in my lap.

Alice sighed, clearly exasperated. She checked her watch.

“Listen, my cleverest, most thick-headed witch, I've got to meet Frank for lunch. Do whatever you need to do to convince yourself you love James, and tell the damn boy. He deserves that much.”

I followed her out, a thousand questions that wouldn't come out still posed on my tongue.

I waved to Mary and Hestia, who shook their heads good-naturedly at me.

“Wait, but what am I supposed to do to convince myself that I do... love him?” I queried, trying to ignore how I could barely force out the word.

Alice shrugged and shifted her bag around her shoulder. She gave me a sympathetic look but just said, “That's kind of what you need to figure out.”

Frank Longbottom was standing in the middle of the Common Room, clearly waiting for her. Hands in his pockets, rocking back and forth on his heels, he reminded me vaguely of a certain other seventh year boy who made my heart jump to my throat. A wide grin split his face when he spotted her, and a matching smile appeared on her pixie features. I couldn't help but smile too. Frank and Alice were too cute together.

“Evans!” a loud voice shouted as soon as I had stepped into the Common Room. I flinched, recognizing the voice immediately. I'd forgotten about them in my need to ask Alice one last question.

I glanced over guiltily, and sure enough, the always ruffled-looking Marauders, minus their ringleader, were waving me over to their little circle, which had accumulated the smell of fire and singed clothes from the explosions that had occurred during their card games. Trying to hide just how much I didn't want to, I walked over to them, resting my hands on the back of Remus's chair as I greeted the boys.

They didn't seem to notice anything amiss as they Conjured a chair for me and invited me to join their game. I knew better than to agree to that a second time though – the Marauders played for stakes that an admitted goody two-shoes like me was not prepared to accept.

“So, how ready are you for the Defense practical today?” Remus asked, wrinkling his nose.

I wrinkled my nose in response. Most of my Defense was up to scratch, but the grade-clinching spell today was a Patronus, and I could never quite master that charm. I had even entertained thoughts of bringing a joke wand or having a breakdown in front of the examiner, wondering if that would actually get me out of having to produce the useless silver mist that was all I could exhibit even on my best day.

“Yeah, ickle Moony-kins has been fretting over it too,” Sirius teased. He tussled Remus's sandy hair then deftly dodged the punch Remus sent towards his side.

“Yes, ickle Padfoot, I have been, because not all of us have been able to produce a full Patronus since fourth year,” Remus retorted, fondness and pride for his friend flicking the corners of his mouth and eyes up to soften his frustrated tone.

Sirius sent a wide, self-satisfied grin back, twirling his wand between two fingers and leaning back in his chair.

“Just remember the ear-splitting volume of Sirius's scream when he woke up with his bed in the Black Lake, thanks to you, James, and Peter. That'd give anybody a Patronus,” I suggested to Remus with a grin.

Sirius pouted. “That prank was uncalled for,” he grumbled, fake-glaring at Remus and Peter, who chortled.

“Yeah, and you making Moony sing out his every thought about girls to them the week before was so warranted,” Peter replied, though he seemed to think upon that memory fondly as well. Remus blushed as he remembered the horrific things he'd said aloud. He may have acted polite, but many of us learned that week that Remus truly was a fifteen-year-old boy.

Sirius barked out a laugh, hand hitting the table as he slammed his chair to the floor. “Remember what you said to poor Hannah Jones?” he chuckled, about to recite the words. Flushing and frantic, Remus flicked an Exploding Snap card into Sirius's open mouth, where it promptly exploded.

A moment of silence fell before all four of us burst into laughter, even Sirius, whose exhales released soot to match what was all over his face.

“Alright boys,” I cut in before they could ask anything embarrassing of me, like, oh I don't know, 'why didn't you tell James you love him too last night when he poured his ickle heart out to you like the perfect gentleman he has become?' “Now that you've brought up that damn exam, I'd better go see if my wonderful, handsome boyfriend can help me with a stupid Patronus,” I sighed, trying not to show just how nervous I was about being around my own damn boyfriend.

“Bye Evans!” Sirius and Peter chorused, while Remus waved goodbye, as he was still busy laughing at the spot where Sirius's eyebrows used to be.

As I stepped out of the Fat Lady's portrait, my stomach twisted unpleasantly to let me know just how against this plan of seeing James it was. But, ever the Gryffindor, I forced myself to walk towards the portrait of Morgan le Fay that hid the Heads' Common Room.

Outside it, Morgan eyed me skeptically as I gathered my courage. When I finally muttered the password, (“I solemnly swear that I am Head Girl.” Guess who came up with that one?) she swung open, only for me to nearly collide with the boy I was simultaneously trying to find and hoping to avoid.

“Oh!” he said in surprise, barely catching himself from jumping down from the portrait hole onto my toes. A flicker of hurt flashed across his face so quickly I barely caught it before that familiar smile pulled out his left dimple. Fuck. I knew I'd hurt him. “Hey Lily.”

“Hey James,” I answered softly, avoiding his gaze. My heart thumped. A moment passed.

“I was just looking for you,” we chorused.

“Why were you – ” we started again, together. We both laughed, though I could hear how stilted mine sounded.

He lightly placed his fingers over my lips. The knot of guilt in my stomach unraveled, forgotten. His touch lighted a shiver that curled up my spine, which made him grin again. Mischief burned in his eyes. “You go first,” he whispered, leaning into my personal space. He slowly dragged his fingers across my mouth and down my jaw and neck, lingering at my collarbone before they fell back to his side. I tried to ignore the gooseflesh that followed his touch. Our eyes were locked. His face was mere centimeters away, freckles teasing me from his cheeks and nose. All it would take was a dip of his head, or a tilting of mine, to bring our lips together.

Then he was gone.

He had flung himself backwards through the portrait hole so fast that he was in our Common Room and flopped on our couch casually before I even had the thought to pull myself together.

“Bloody hell,” I breathed to myself, following him like a kitten chasing a toy. This was how it was every time anything awkward or negative happened between us. I would focus so heavily on that moment that I would forget just how incredible it was to be around him, until he used our next encounter to casually remind me that he was perfect. And it was clear he wasn't trying to do anything of the sort, he was just naturally this good at being... this good.

“So,” James said as I stumbled in after him, stupid grins on both our faces, “why were you looking for your devilishly handsome boyfriend?”

“Well,” I stalled as I sauntered over to him – he was not getting away with all that seductive bullshit – and sat primly at his hip. I brushed a hair out of my face, my hand then falling to his navy button down, where I fiddled with one of the white buttons on it. I tucked my feet up on the couch under his legs so that I was forced to lean into his chest a little. “I was wondering,” I began, letting my hand slide from his buttons to the hem of his shirt to play with that. I watched him intently, trying to look innocent. Behind his glasses, his eyes flickered between my fingers and my face, his mouth hanging slightly open. I could see each breath he took, in and out in a shallow, gentle rhythm. When my fingers had played with his shirt until a delicious strip of skin was showing, I let my thumb brush thoroughly along it, just above his belt loops. His chest halted on an exhale, tongue flicking out to lick his lips frantically. I licked my own, slower, and a little teasingly. His eyes tracked the movement. I leaned into his personal space, my chest pressing lightly against his. He inhaled sharply. I let my face hover just above his own, my lips practically brushing his as I spoke. “Would you mind helping me with a Patronus?” I whispered, lingering for one moment longer before I abruptly stood and stepped back, hands clasped behind my back.

He was totally frozen for a long moment, eyes still locked on the space above him, before he blinked twice and sat up. I bit the inside of my cheek to hold in a giggle at his dazed face. He smiled at me, eyes still glazed over, and reached a hand towards me. I took it without a second thought, twining our fingers together.

There was a wrench on my arm, a moment of dizzying movement, and then I was pinned beneath him on the couch he'd just been sprawled across. His eyes were definitely no longer glazed, but sharp and teasing as he stared down at me with a wolfish grin. “You know, Lil, I think I could probably give you a hand with that. And a few other things as well,” he said suggestively, tucking his tongue in between his teeth in a smirk he knew I couldn't resist. His left hand was still tangled with my right, resting above my head, but his other hand had roamed to my waist. That thumb was rubbing electrifying little circles into the space just above my hip, mesmerizing even over the fabric of my shirt. His legs were twisted with mine, his hips pressing mine into the couch.

I tried not to sound as utterly breathless as I felt when I replied with the only thing I could get out: “Thanks.”

His grin just widened, and he tapped his nose to mine. “Lily, darling, you are very seductive – invariably so, even when you aren't trying to be – but you will never get away with antics like that with me as your boyfriend,” he teased.

“Guess I need a new boyfriend,” I answered. Damn. My voice was still too breathy.

He boomed out a laugh. I couldn't help but laugh along, our torsos brushing as we chuckled.

His hazel eyes were still crinkled with laughter behind those damn glasses when he looked back down at me. He kissed the tip of my nose, then my forehead, then each of my cheeks, before finally bringing his lips to mine. I lifted my head from the couch, pressing our lips together harder.

Just as I was about to utterly lose myself to the kiss, James pulled away. He peeled himself off me and stood, hands clasped behind his back as mine had been just a minute ago. I pouted for a moment, which was clearly what he wanted, judging by the grin that spread across his face.

“Time for a Defense lesson, love,” he said, reaching out a hand and pulling me to my feet. He pulled his wand out of his pocket, flicking it in the air before catching it impressively behind his back, but I was distracted by the word 'love.'

_Get a grip, Lily_ , I told myself. He'd called me love plenty of times before. But this time felt different – it felt real. I was actually his love. And I wanted so badly for him to be mine.

Doing my best to follow my own orders and get a grip, I plucked my wand off the table. “Alright, Lils, show me what you can do,” James said, crossing his arms. (I couldn't help that my brain registered the way his forearms flexed at the motion.) I grimaced, mildly hating that I had to show James the spell that was basically my worst, but I needed the help more than I needed the pride.

I thought hard of a good memory, the one I always chose – a beautiful summer's day from my childhood when Tuney and I were still best friends, playing on a playground a little ways from my house. I flicked my wand in the exact motion Professor Cribbins had corrected me to and said sharply, “ _Expecto Patronum._ ”

Silver mist fluttered from my wand like a curtain blowing in a gentle breeze, but it didn't form into anything substantial before it disappeared like dust in fading sunlight.

I glanced at James. His arms were still crossed, and his forehead was wrinkled with thought. I couldn't help but smile at how endearing that look was. My heart melted a bit just looking at him.

“What was the memory you used?” he asked finally. His voice was gentle and contemplative. I told him. He frowned. “That could be the problem. Try something more recent – and it doesn't have to be a specific memory, per se. It can be a feeling from a moment that happened or something you dreamt or a hope for the future or anything like that.”

“What do you use?” I asked curiously. Every time I'd seen him perform it, ever since Professor Brown had us try them the first time in fifth year, a glowing, substantial stag almost greater than life-size had burst proudly from his wand and galloped around the room without any hesitance. Even Professor Brown hadn't expected that. (Though why James, Sirius, and Peter could do it perfectly, I'd always wondered.)

He blushed. I raised my eyebrows. It took a lot to make the infamous James Potter blush. “It's something different every time,” he muttered.

I rolled my eyes. “Bull,” I coughed. He started, meeting my gaze with wide eyes. He bit his lip. Though curiosity swelled in me, compassion overwhelmed it. People's memories could be very personal, and if he was imagining moments that he might have dreamt... I was ready to blush at that. “Keep your secret, James. It's alright.” He smiled gratefully at me. I smiled back.

He gestured at the space in front of my ready wand and said, “Try again.”

I closed my eyes this time, trying to find a good memory or dream or feeling or anything to focus on. I remembered flying for the first time, finding out I was a witch, becoming Head Girl... None of those felt right. I rarely remembered my dreams well enough for any strong good feelings to stick with me. Good feelings... Oh. The seventeen-year-old boy next to me – of _course._ I remembered the moment we finally got together, our first kiss, our first date... They all felt right. I held all those feelings in my head, the lightheadedness and clenching of my heart and twisting of my intestines he created, the easy way we interacted, how perfectly I'd fallen into his life, how wonderfully he livened up mine... “ _Expecto Patronum._ ”

A strong shield, darker and thicker than the soft mist from before, exploded from my wand and hung in front of me as a protectorate. Elated, I let out a squeal of delight that made it pulse. “James! James!” I half-screamed, reaching for him with my free hand. He laughed. His laughter made it spread further, strengthen even more.

After a long minute of just basking in my improvement, I realized suddenly that it still wasn't corporeal. That quickly made the shield dissipate into mist and then nothingness. I swore.

“What's wrong?” James asked, stepping so close I could smell him – fresh from the shower but somehow smelling like outdoors, like a clean breeze and sunshine. I leaned into him a little, craving as much contact as I could get.

“It's still not good enough,” I huffed. “I'll only get an E if it's like that.”

James's laugh reverberated through the whole room. I furrowed my brows at him, knowing why he was laughing but not willing to admit I was being ridiculous. He wrapped his arms around me, hands clasping around my far hip, and pulled me toward him. I buried my face in his shoulder and curled my arms around his neck.

“I love you, Lil,” he whispered in my ear.

I froze. _Just say it back_ , part of my brain pleaded. _Tell him you love him too._ But I just wasn't sure. “I – I fancy you a hell of a lot, James Potter,” I answered shakily. I felt him smile against my neck and relaxed. He kissed the spot where his lips were resting – I may or may not have shivered at the feeling – and pulled away.

“Again, or is an E good enough for Lily Evans, perfection itself?” he teased, arm still curled around my hip. Checking the time on the mantel clock, I realized we only had a few more minutes to get to lunch, and then it would be time for the exam. I sighed.

“I guess that's it for now.” I looked over and caught the wildly attractive grin on my boyfriend's face. I tried not to be too affected. “Lunch?” I asked.

“There is a simply delectable-looking girl in my arms right now,” he answered lightly, nuzzling my hair with his nose. I started to pull away, but he held tighter. “Let me kiss her, and then we can go down to the kitchens and have our own lunch,” he pleaded, voice just above a whisper, a quiet, deep growl that made my knees tremble a little.

“ 'Kay,” I mumbled vaguely, before his lips captured mine.

Yet again, as soon as I was good and out of sorts, he pulled away. He gave me that lopsided grin with that godforsaken dimple and ruffled his hair, which I had already ensured was plenty messy, thank you very much.

“Quit doing that,” I grumbled, only half-meaning for him to hear me. But he quirked a brow curiously and waited for me to explain. I flushed, as I do, and tried to string together words that wouldn't sound as needy as I was feeling. “You keep – anytime you kiss me, you pull back right as I'm – right as it's getting good,” I fumbled, twiddling my fingers in front of me as a place to look instead of his sure-to-be-amused face.

When I chanced a quick look up though, he wasn't grinning like I'd expected. In fact, he looked about as embarrassed as I felt. He pulled my hands apart and curled each of his palms against mine. “Do you know why that is?” he asked quietly, a hint of amusement starting to creep into his voice. He raised each of my hands to his lips and kissed them lightly.

I shook my head. “Of course not,” he sighed. I waited.

“Love,” he started. My heart thumped, both adoring and despising the nickname. “Of course I stop it from really getting good. If I don't stop it before then, I'll lose my mind to you and never want to stop. I'll take you to my room, or let you take me to yours, or hell, the couch is fine, and ravish you until neither of us remember your name.”

My mouth formed a small 'oh'. My face burned with heat. But I couldn't help feeling a little pleased that I affected him, and a little intoxicated by the image he'd created. Staring at our clasped hands, I mumbled, “Well, maybe, sometime, when we don't have exams and all that, I wouldn't mind testing the boundaries of that a bit.” I glanced up at James's face, not sure what to expect, to find him staring at me, slack-jawed. Then he growled, a heady sound low in his throat, and kissed me sharply.

“I love you,” he moaned against my mouth. I tried to ignore how I was quickly getting over my shock and horror at those words and becoming hopelessly addicted to them.

“I like you too,” I said lightly, pulling away and kissing his cheek. A radiant smile spread across his face as I pulled him out of the room to lunch.

We ate lunch in the kitchens, privately but for a large audience of house elves, and James told me he loved me twice more. Each time, it got easier to reply with a simple statement of endearment, and the awkwardness faded.

Soon enough, it was time to take our exams, so I dragged James behind me to the Entrance Hall, where a crowd of seventh years were already waiting. “Finally, Head Boy and Girl show up,” Remus teased from beside Sirius.

“Looking particularly disheveled,” Sirius quipped in agreement. His eyes flickered over both our hair and the way my shirt was almost tucked in and James's definitely wasn't, when it should've been the other way around. James and I shared a secretive grin before we went about trying to fix our appearances a bit.

Remus and Sirius were still snickering when they called, “Black, Sirius,” and Sirius had to leave to go take his exam.

“Good luck!” Remus called cheerily.

“Hope you fail!” James shouted, just as cheerily.

Remus elbowed him, but laughed too. Sirius called back something foul to the pair of them.

Too slowly, but too quickly, they ran through the C's and D's. Sirius never came back, so we had to assume the students who were already finished were sent somewhere else. I heard James ask after Peter, and Remus reply with something, but I couldn't process the words. My stress level rose with each name called, in spite of the reassuring arm James had tossed over my shoulder.

And the anxiety about the exam left me reeling about everything else too – the approaching end of year, the war that was raging right outside our walls, and especially the future between James and me. Alice was right. What was I looking for? James was perfect, and I reacted to him in a way I had never reacted to anyone. That had to be love, didn't it?

“Evans, Lily,” an authoritative voice called, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. James kissed my cheek and whispered good luck in my ear. Guilt pricked at my insides as I slowly made my way to the doors to the Great Hall.

Professor McGonagall gave me a small, prim smile and pointed to the corner at the far end of the Hall, where an old man wearing heavy robes sat on his own. I made my way past three other students performing their own exams and introduced myself to the examiner. “Hello, Miss Evans,” the balding man said in a Northern accent, shaking my hand fervently. “I'm Vincent Davies, with the Wizengamot Administration Services in the Ministry. I'll be judging your performance today on proper wand form, verbal pronunciation, nonverbal enchanting, and the proper effect of each spell.” He watched as I wiped my sweating palms on my pants and smiled. “No need to worry. It does not require a perfect performance to pass. And as I understand it, you're the brightest witch of your age. I'm certain you'll be fine.” _Yeah, no pressure or anything_ , I thought.

He instructed me on each spell I had to perform, first the verbal, then nonverbal ones. It went smoothly, each spell coming as easily to me as usual, until he finally asked for the one I was dreading. “Now, a Patronus Charm, if you don't mind, Miss Evans. Verbal or nonverbal as you prefer.”

A deep breath rattled my body. I envisioned everything I'd thought of this morning – my favorite moments with James over the last few incredible months – and held my wand at the ready. Gripping the willow tightly, I fought with the nerves that swelled in my stomach and clogged my throat.

I swallowed, focused on _James_ , and uttered, “ _Expecto Patronum._ ” A shimmering shield, like the one I'd previously summoned, burst from my wand and hung proudly before me. It was so thick I could no longer see the examiner's face. After holding it for a few seconds, I dropped my wand and let it fade.

I couldn't help the sour look that etched itself into my face. I met Mister Davies's eyes, and could see a soft, compassionate smile on his face at my reaction.

“That was very good. However, only a corporeal Patronus will allow you to achieve an O. Would you like to try one more time?”

Dread settled in my stomach like acid, eating away at me. I bit the inside of my cheek. But of course I would try again. I nodded.

I shut my eyes. I blocked out all the anxiety that was burning within me and thought only of James. His echoing laugh, his unruly hair, the deep rumble of his voice, the adoration in his eyes when he looked at me, the way he said, “I love you,” like they were the most important words he'd ever say. My heart stung. If only I could say them back.

That was it.

Pulse racing, I squeezed my eyes shut as hard as I could. I raised my wand arm again, hand steady this time. I imagined those three words rolling off my tongue, and the rapturous joy on his face as I said them. “ _Expecto Patronum._ ” My words were a whisper, lost in the echoes of the enormous Great Hall.

Finally calm, I opened my eyes.

The first thing I registered was Mister Davies's delighted face. Then my eyes locked on the beautiful glowing creature galloping past him. A silver doe, delicate-looking but clearly powerful, pranced around me. Her sharp eyes connected with mine. I could feel her personality, caring and compassionate but spirited and free. She raised her head to me, then trotted past me into the window glowing with the fading sun and dissipated into mist.

Mister Davies clapped his hands together. “Well done, Miss Evans!” he cheered. He made a final note on his clipboard with a flourish. He waved a hand towards a door at the right side of the Hall. “You may go through there to join the other students who are finished. Results will be officially released in a few weeks' time, but I think it's safe to say you performed _outstandingly_.” He winked. A grateful, mildly shocked smile on my lips, I wandered past him into the side hall, where some of the students already finished were lounging, waiting for their companions.

I found Sirius and joined him against the stone wall. Fingers rubbing against the smooth wood of my wand, I asked Sirius how his exam went. “Easy as getting ol' Wormtail to laugh,” he answered gleefully. “And yours?”

I just shrugged and smiled softly. “I finally summoned a corporeal Patronus,” I admitted.

His absurdly perfect eyebrows jutted up under his long hair. “Oh yeah?” he said, impressed. “And what was it?”

“A...” I was prepared to answer promptly, until I realized what the answer was. _A doe_. My mind buzzed with confusion, wondering where that form had originated. My favorite animal was my cat Dinah. I, and in particular my temper, had been compared to a tiger several times (and once a giraffe, but I wasn't counting mean-spirited preschool kids). I wasn't graceful or particularly delicate like a doe, though I supposed my freckles recalled the spots that had peppered my Patronus's back like shining constellations. James was the only one who ever called me cute like my doe had been.

_James._

It clicked.

My heart blazed.

“A doe,” I finally said, blushing but holding Sirius's gaze. My voice shook.

Puzzlement flickered over his features before understanding washed it away. Then he broke into that smug grin and laughed so loud that the people around us turned to look.

Remus found us like that, my arms crossed defiantly and Sirius bent double as he continued to snigger. Wondering at his friend's amusement, Remus looked to me. I pressed my lips together, not quite ready to admit it to another Marauder.

Sirius grabbed at Remus's sweatshirt, hand fisting in the fabric as he used it to pull himself straight. “Lily's Patronus,” he wheezed between chortles. “A _doe_!”

After a moment of incomprehension, Remus's head snapped to me for confirmation. I rolled my eyes, which was enough.

Remus burst into laughter too, howling and gripped Sirius's shoulders for support.

They laughed for ages. Every time it seemed they were done, one of them would catch the other's eye, and that was all it took for giggles to overwhelm them again.

Meanwhile, I watched the door we'd all come through determinedly. My pounding heart fluttered every time a head of dark hair appeared, my weight poised to run as soon as I confirmed the identity. Impatience bubbled in my chest. My tongue felt strange in my mouth. I ran it over my teeth restlessly. My lips tingled.

Eventually, _finally_ , I caught the glint of his wire glasses and the satisfied quirk of his grin. “James!” I near-shouted, my trainers already halfway to him.

He heard my voice and smiled wider, his eyes catching mine just as I leapt at him. His firm arms caught me around the waist, holding my shoes just above the ground. I fastened my arms around his neck. “How'd it go?” he asked, eyes glowing and soft as they roamed over my face.

Ignoring his question, I leant my forehead on his and murmured the words that had hummed in my head constantly since last night:

“I love you.”

Quidditch reflexes be damned, James almost dropped me.

Exultant, I laughed. A blinding grin slowly sliced across his face. A flabbergasted, radiant euphoria filled his eyes. Mouth bumbling through nonsense phrases, he finally eked out, “Why – what made you change your mind?” in a breathless voice.

Smiling a little shyly, I whispered, “My Patronus is a doe.”

Unlike the other Marauders, James didn't need a second to understand what that meant. His arms squeezed me tighter, forcing my breath from me, and he spun me around in a dizzying circle. His ecstatic laughter resounded in my ears.

Gently setting me back on the ground, he removed his arms from my waist and caressed my cheeks. His eyes met mine, green to hazel, _love_ reflecting in both colors.

He kissed me fiercely.

This time, my mind turned to mush so quickly that I really had forgotten my name by the time he pulled away. His lips were swollen, his breathing was heavy, and his glasses were tipped uselessly to one side. _I love this boy_ ran through my head about a dozen times before any other thoughts attempted to get my attention.

The first that broke through was the sudden realization that there were noises around us besides that of our two voices. A particularly raucous pair of laughs, a howl and a bark, cut into our world and pulled both our heads to the left. Sandy-haired Remus and raven-haired Sirius clutched each other desperately as they snickered and guffawed at us. Other students were chuckling lightly at our rather pubic display, but no one had apparently lost their heads like the pair of them. Peter stood beside them now, grinning but with his eyebrows pulled together as though he didn't quite get the joke.

James let out a soft huff of laughter as well. He straightened his glasses and looked sidelong at me, mischief glittering in his eyes, as usual. His left arm snaked around my waist, pulling me tight to him. He placed a soft kiss on my temple and led me to the trio of troublemakers waiting for him. “I love you too,” he whispered against my hair.

 


End file.
